ADVENTURE 2:

I don't know how I forgot to put this in the last ADVENTURE post but I love it:

ADVENTURE!

Following in the footsteps of Day-of-Spontaneity 2005; that glorious day which saw Jeremy, Anna and me to a renaissance faire in Cambridge, WI and then, somewhat accidentally to Wisconsin Dells where these pictures were taken:

Anna and I decided that we needed to celebrate the beginning of the season with a day of ADVENTURE. We didn’t know what the day would hold, only that it would exist and that it would begin at 8 with breakfast at Sophia’s on E Johnson. After a leisurely breakfast, we got in the car and Anna asked the question, “Which way do you want to go?” You see, the only thing we knew was that we were leaving Madison and heading in a direction. So we picked a road and went for it. This particular road led kind-of West-Northwest (I think) after a few forks, we ended up in Mount Horeb, a place of legend and lore. Our first stop was at what we thought was an antique store but what turned out to be an antique extravaganza. It seems Mt Horeb likes old stuff. Or, maybe they don’t and that’s why it’s all in the stores? At any rate, we had a lot of fun with the crazy stuff for sale. These were some of our favorites:

On the left is a picture of me with a painting of some kid. This kid was quite possibly the scariest kid that ever lived. He may have been dead before this painting was made. On the right is a picture of a “New Era Scientifically Processed Potato Chips” canister we found which advertised the heightened amount of alkalinity in these chips and the fact that they were 95% digestible.

After an hour or so in Antique Mall #1, we climbed back in the car and headed for downtown. On the way, we noticed the huge amount of troll statuary. Anna and I are very open-minded people and we have nothing against trolls per se, we just thought it odd that there were soooo many troll carvings. On the way downtown the promise of a garage sale waylaid us. It turned out to be a bust so we hit the trollway. It turns out that Mt Horeb is the “troll capitol of the world.” Whether the statues are the cause of this moniker or the result of it is something we didn’t learn. I’m kinda glad that there’s still some mystery. So, we parked and set out on foot. The trollway has many shops and all of them look like this:

and were full of Norwegian stuff. The staff in these stores were the epitome of midwestern friendliness and were sometimes just a little too helpful. I needed to find an ATM and was given the following explanation:

so the ATM is in the AmCore bank on Main St in the 300 block. we're in the 100 block, so it's about 2 blocks down. so you're going to walk down Main St that way. The AmCore will be on your left; you'll see the sign, it's right across from the Mustard Museum. When you get to the AmCore, the ATM is in this little alcove to your left.

I listened to this explanation for longer than it would have taken for her to walk me to the ATM, nodding the whole time.

Anna and I headed to get cash. Upon turning, we made the amazing discovery of the infamous, world-renowned Mount Horeb Mustard Museum. For those of you not in the know, the mustard museum is a cool thing. We were greeted with a huge welcome and the concept of the mustard museum and its layout were explained. We started with a video presentation of “Mustard: Spice of Nations” but due to it’s excessive portrayal of rodeo and other non-mustard things, we moved on. The main floor contains a wealth of mustard history from around the world. Literally thousands of jars are on display and a lot of the accompanying advertising and paraphernalia. We browsed but it was pretty clear that we were just biding our time till we could hit the tasting room. The tasting room is like a car dealership but with mustard instead of cars. Tastefully arranged by world region or special feature (ie: Turkish, alcoholic, fruit, prize winners, etc) We found a few things we wanted to taste and headed back to the tasting table. Mustard tasting is a lot like wine tasting. Each mustard’s unique aspects were explained and we tasted, trying to pinpoint the subtleties of the mixed flavors and, sometimes the lineup of complex, multi-part tastes. We often had to “cleanse our pallets” and we were treated to more appropriate examples of what we wanted. For example, I had grabbed a brown sugar mustard but our moutardier knew that this wasn’t the one I wanted. She knew that the flavor I was looking for was more likely to be found in the Praline Pecan mustard (which was delicious by the way and will be bought in the fall for serving on Butternut squash) We also tried some special chocolate sauces and a dessert hot sauce which was crazy and awesome. In summation, go to the Mustard Museum!

After the mustard, we needed lunch and so, went to the Blue Skies Soda Shoppe. It was an old-style soda fountain place. It read. We had phosphates. Beautiful photographic proof of phosphates, taken by A.M.:

I also ordered a club sandwich and whipped out my new mustards, which totally read.

After lunch we needed more antiques. We found a sketchy sketchy place. We tried on hats. Mine was an old-school explorer hat. We also spent about 45 minutes looking at old postcards. Old missives are funny! Anna’s big find was a postcard that read, “Feb. 13, 1914 I am going to commit a robbery to-night. I suppose Gunners told you. ‘Riste’” We laughed. Anna also found a card with a picture of a camel that said, “My name Hubert Hump.” We laughed and through her laughter Anna explained, “There’s no verb!” I found the card below. I’ve pointed out the ruffnesses.

This is the back:

We laughed. Then we took a picture of us as a troll and his farm animal. After Antique Store #2, we found Antique Store #3 which was kinda lame except for its ridiculous cellar called, “Betty’s Basement”. Betty apparently didn’t ever throw any crap away; she just put it in this basement. Treasures abounded.

We left Mt Horeb and headed in some random direction, exploring the countryside. We were looking for some sort of abandoned building. It was harder to find than we expected. We eventually settled for a semi-abandoned building made of metal. This wasn’t really the aesthetic we were looking for but it was ok. We just kinda hung out and had fun in nature before heading off on a new mission to discover the Mazomanie nude beach. We didn’t want to be nude or even to really see nudity. We just wanted to know where the beach was. We never found it. We did however find a battle site and some Native American Burial Mounds in the wilderness.

I got a tick.

We had fun on our ADVENTURE.

"Make it look like a house."

Yesterday, in the parking lot of West Towne mall, Anna and I saw a van bearing the logo and web address for Habco Inc. and Burial Homes. I think you'll agree that this is more than a little creepy. According to the website, it's all very simple:

After being frustrated with the lack of alternatives to the traditional casket, I wanted to design a product that would help me as well as others who were also uncomfortable with the look of caskets. The solution was, "Make it look like a house."

Ummmmm.....there's something really strange about a coffin that looks like a doll's house! The site says, "The real beauty in going home is in being at rest." I don't like associating "home" with being dead. Within the "gallery of homes" there are some killer quotes. Ie: "Shutters Add Flair", "Homes are available in full and half-couch designs", "Reflect on the warmth and comfort of home and experience the peace found in our Burial Homes". Does that mean you can try your home before you buy it? CREEPY. They'll even design a casket special based on a photograph. Who would feel comfortable coming home at the end of the day knowing that one day they'd be cooped up in there forever?

Here are some creepy photos:

"Oh industry, whatever will become of me?"

I survived the Metals Industry Dinner Show! I drove to Chicago on Wednesday afternoon with only a slight amount of dread. I checked in to my hotel, the Hyatt Regency, with about two hours to spare. On the way in tho, I noticed all the business men bedecked in suits and got wholly nervous. I don't really read in a corporate, boy scout environment - happily. Nevertheless, on Wednesday night, I was supposed to read and I was supposed to wheel and deal and throw my business cards around and collect as many "contacts" as possible. I'm no networker and I didn't have a suit. I had brought a few options but on closer inspection I was worried that all of them were just a bit "too" fashionable. Steel men, as a rule, are not fashionable. My anxiousness was really getting to me and I needed some emergency help so, I logged on to AIM to consult with people and I called Laura and some others to get opinions on appropriate boy-scout-dinner-wear.

I eventually decided on an outfit and headed down to the grand ballroom for the cocktail hour. I needed a drink by this point and I hadn't even done anything yet. The lobby of the ballroom was crawling with industry-folk. I played it off like I was looking for someone. I'm sure this ploy was completely transparent but really, how do you start a conversation in this context? I did manage to meet a few people and have asinine conversations with them. That was the biggest help - I learned that they were as uncomfortable as I was.

Dinner time came and we all shuffled into the huge grand ballroom. I picked a table with a woman and some coats sitting at it. She said that two seats were taken but I was welcome to sit. Having seen this scenario in action, I figured the table would fill - it didn't. The woman turned out to be the wife of a steel dude. The other table-mate was their daughter. So, it was me and a family which was kinda awkward but also kinda cool since I didn't then have to talk steel the whole dinner. Naturally, we all rose for the national anthem, the pledge of allegiance and the opening prayer (!) After the "amen" we sat to a delicious dinner and listened to the muted strains of the Bill Pollack orchestra. We had a huge steak and grilled mahi mahi. The family finished first and were very ready to go. That left me sitting at a table alone which in any other context would have been fine. It did NOT read at a steel dinner. So I found a new table and had desert with some new dudes and then hastily made my exit before Act II started.

Laura and I had planned on going out after steel so I rushed up to my room and changed into something more apropos and called her to come over. The booze was starting to kick in by that point however and I decided I needed to show her the steel life so we crashed the party. We actually ended up having a great time oogling the crazy steel men AND women. The women especially were dressed in their finest business power outfits and mis-matched splendor. We kept pouring the free booze down our throats and slyly pointed out the ruffness to one another until we discovered the dance floor and then it was on. It's been a long time since I've shaken my booty like that. It was like we were at a steel wedding. The Bill Pollack orchestra was like an imitation Motown. There were four middle-aged black men in matching blue coats singing and dancing with the standard matching choreography. It was pretty great. There were a few incredible people on that dancefloor just shakin it for all the world to see. Laura and I really wanted to break in on one couple and split them off for our own amusement but we lacked the balls to go through with it. We also spent some time observing the collection of sports paraphernalia in the silent auction. Of particular note were the Arnold Palmer signed photo and the prints that "weren't worthy of a hotel hallway". Who knew steel could provide such entertainment. I regret that I'm not able to describe the night with nearly the hilarity that Ms. McClain did over at www.nicelifelaura.blogspot.com.

After sating our steel appetite we went out on the town for a brief beer. Laura took me to some trendy area and a bar called Rockit to look at the Chicago nightlife. It was like a clean frat party in there and I totally dug it. There were chandeliers made of antlers!

Thursday was my day of Chicago and I made the most of it. I met Laura at the Cheesecake factory for some lunch which was delicious as expected and was served up by my favorite deer, Nate. After lunch I set out for the Museum of Contemporary Art and satisfied myself with some much over-do culture. I was happy to check out the Warhol exhibit and I payed witness to the creepiest piece of art I've ever seen. The giant baby was creepy but had nothing on HIM. I walked into what looked to be a gallery but found it empty. On the far side of the room was another door into another gallery. I found this one just as empty but also with a second door. I walked into the third room and gasped. It was empty but for what looked like a boy kneeling in the center of the room, facing a blank wall. It totally freaked me out. Then, in the corner to my right, a sneaky security guard moved and scared me even more. The boy turned out to be a half-scale model of Adolf Hitler. Moral of this story: life-like models of people in sneaky, unexpected places is really CREEPY.

Anyway, this post is way too "my summer vacation" for anyone's good. I'm sorry that I couldn't make this more witty. I'll do my best in future.

A little Feingold lovin'

We in Wisconsin are lucky to have Russ Feingold as one of our representatives. Here are some new statements given by the Senator at a listening session in Kenosha:

“The proposed ban on civil unions and marriage is a mean-spirited attempt to divide Wisconsin and I indicated that it should be defeated,”

“It discriminates against thousands of people in our communities – our co-workers, our neighbors, our friends, and our family members. It would single out members of a particular group and forever deny them rights and protections granted to all other Wisconsin citizens. It would also outlaw civil unions and jeopardize many legal protections for all unmarried couples, whether of the same or the opposite sex. We shouldn’t enshrine this prejudice in our state’s Constitution.”

"gay and lesbian couples should be able to marry and have access to the same rights, privileges and benefits that straight couples currently enjoy.”

“Denying people this basic American right is the kind of discrimination that has no place in our laws, especially in a progressive state like Wisconsin. The time has come to end this discrimination and the politics of divisiveness that has become part of this issue.”

-from http://feingold.senate.gov/

All together now: Thanks Russ!

BSA - BS

I’m heading to Chicago tomorrow to attend the Annual Metals Industry BSA Dinner in Chicago. That’s right, BSA stands for Boy Scouts of America. I feel a lot of personal guilt about attending this event. I was personally invited to the dinner and, being a good employee I told my boss about it and also explained my reasons for not wanting to go. He though has heard of this event and has been curious and anxious to get someone to it. I’m the obvious choice since I’m so close. At any rate, I get a free trip to Chicago and get to hang out with Laura again. I just wish that I didn’t have to help the scouts in the process. Most of you will understand my contempt for the BSA but for those of you who may not, an explanation:

It is the policy of the Boy Scouts of America to refuse registration to, or remove openly gay scouts and leaders. They also refuse the children of gay parents. There is very little need for proof. In the past, they have acted on gossip, and have even carried out investigations. In defending their discriminatory policies the BSA’s leaders often quote the scout oath and law which say, “to keep myself morally straight” and, “A scout is clean.” They also indicate their support for “traditional family values” without ever saying what those might be. Statements such as these seem to imply that gay people have no morals or family values and they say explicitly that a gay person is unclean in either a physical, mental or spiritual sense. For these reasons, I am stridently against the Boy Scouts of America. To suggest that every gay person is alike is asinine and offensive.

In 2000, the Supreme Court upheld that the Boy Scouts are a private organization and, as such, are free to associate themselves with whomever they may choose – or not. The problem for them now is that, as a private organization, free to discriminate, they are no longer able to receive public funds. The choice then became, “Do we want to have money to fund our programs and help our kids or do we want to discriminate?” They chose discrimination.

This has been my little way of making amends. I really hate that in this particular instance I have to put work before scruples and money before principles. By voicing my opinion here and perhaps elsewhere, I’m trying to undo the little bit of help my presence will do them. I hope that you all, if presented with the option of supporting a discriminatory group, opt out.

Now, a picture of some straight scouts: