"Oh industry, whatever will become of me?"

I survived the Metals Industry Dinner Show! I drove to Chicago on Wednesday afternoon with only a slight amount of dread. I checked in to my hotel, the Hyatt Regency, with about two hours to spare. On the way in tho, I noticed all the business men bedecked in suits and got wholly nervous. I don't really read in a corporate, boy scout environment - happily. Nevertheless, on Wednesday night, I was supposed to read and I was supposed to wheel and deal and throw my business cards around and collect as many "contacts" as possible. I'm no networker and I didn't have a suit. I had brought a few options but on closer inspection I was worried that all of them were just a bit "too" fashionable. Steel men, as a rule, are not fashionable. My anxiousness was really getting to me and I needed some emergency help so, I logged on to AIM to consult with people and I called Laura and some others to get opinions on appropriate boy-scout-dinner-wear.

I eventually decided on an outfit and headed down to the grand ballroom for the cocktail hour. I needed a drink by this point and I hadn't even done anything yet. The lobby of the ballroom was crawling with industry-folk. I played it off like I was looking for someone. I'm sure this ploy was completely transparent but really, how do you start a conversation in this context? I did manage to meet a few people and have asinine conversations with them. That was the biggest help - I learned that they were as uncomfortable as I was.

Dinner time came and we all shuffled into the huge grand ballroom. I picked a table with a woman and some coats sitting at it. She said that two seats were taken but I was welcome to sit. Having seen this scenario in action, I figured the table would fill - it didn't. The woman turned out to be the wife of a steel dude. The other table-mate was their daughter. So, it was me and a family which was kinda awkward but also kinda cool since I didn't then have to talk steel the whole dinner. Naturally, we all rose for the national anthem, the pledge of allegiance and the opening prayer (!) After the "amen" we sat to a delicious dinner and listened to the muted strains of the Bill Pollack orchestra. We had a huge steak and grilled mahi mahi. The family finished first and were very ready to go. That left me sitting at a table alone which in any other context would have been fine. It did NOT read at a steel dinner. So I found a new table and had desert with some new dudes and then hastily made my exit before Act II started.

Laura and I had planned on going out after steel so I rushed up to my room and changed into something more apropos and called her to come over. The booze was starting to kick in by that point however and I decided I needed to show her the steel life so we crashed the party. We actually ended up having a great time oogling the crazy steel men AND women. The women especially were dressed in their finest business power outfits and mis-matched splendor. We kept pouring the free booze down our throats and slyly pointed out the ruffness to one another until we discovered the dance floor and then it was on. It's been a long time since I've shaken my booty like that. It was like we were at a steel wedding. The Bill Pollack orchestra was like an imitation Motown. There were four middle-aged black men in matching blue coats singing and dancing with the standard matching choreography. It was pretty great. There were a few incredible people on that dancefloor just shakin it for all the world to see. Laura and I really wanted to break in on one couple and split them off for our own amusement but we lacked the balls to go through with it. We also spent some time observing the collection of sports paraphernalia in the silent auction. Of particular note were the Arnold Palmer signed photo and the prints that "weren't worthy of a hotel hallway". Who knew steel could provide such entertainment. I regret that I'm not able to describe the night with nearly the hilarity that Ms. McClain did over at www.nicelifelaura.blogspot.com.

After sating our steel appetite we went out on the town for a brief beer. Laura took me to some trendy area and a bar called Rockit to look at the Chicago nightlife. It was like a clean frat party in there and I totally dug it. There were chandeliers made of antlers!

Thursday was my day of Chicago and I made the most of it. I met Laura at the Cheesecake factory for some lunch which was delicious as expected and was served up by my favorite deer, Nate. After lunch I set out for the Museum of Contemporary Art and satisfied myself with some much over-do culture. I was happy to check out the Warhol exhibit and I payed witness to the creepiest piece of art I've ever seen. The giant baby was creepy but had nothing on HIM. I walked into what looked to be a gallery but found it empty. On the far side of the room was another door into another gallery. I found this one just as empty but also with a second door. I walked into the third room and gasped. It was empty but for what looked like a boy kneeling in the center of the room, facing a blank wall. It totally freaked me out. Then, in the corner to my right, a sneaky security guard moved and scared me even more. The boy turned out to be a half-scale model of Adolf Hitler. Moral of this story: life-like models of people in sneaky, unexpected places is really CREEPY.

Anyway, this post is way too "my summer vacation" for anyone's good. I'm sorry that I couldn't make this more witty. I'll do my best in future.