It's just funny....
This made me laugh out loud - repeatedly
What's scarier? Bea's voice, the song, the dude?
Monday, May 22, 2006
Some youtubes that I found funny
ADVENTURE: Cleveland
Cleveland is disgusting. It is Creepy-City. There are many tall buildings in Cleveland and what resembles a downtown area but there are no people and there are no cars. I never saw traffic in Cleveland. It’s like something bad happened and the people, like jungle creatures after a bulldozer (nice Fern Gully metaphor) are just now peeking back into the affected area. Creepy. Other than that, it’s dirty and depressed. The people don’t look happy and they don’t treat you with much more than a woeful distrust. I didn’t like Cleveland much. One night I was downtown and the only person I saw was a dirty man in the middle of the dirty street (there was no traffic so it was ok) with his dirty cock hanging out taking a piss – it seemed appropriate.
I was in Cleveland for a steel do. The American Iron and Steel Institute was having their big annual soiree, the AISTech. It was really just a huge trade show where all these different companies set up booths and show-off what they do. I didn’t really realize the scope of the steel industry. There were companies there that make steel, mine ore, make oil pipes, provide laser beams that test the quality of steel, lubricate steel machines, label molten steel, improve the efficiency of a plant. There was a lot going on and most of it was over my head but I did my best to work. I’m not a wheeler-and-dealer but thankfully I didn’t really need to do that. Mostly I just went to each booth and checked out what they did. I made a few notes and checked out what they were offering for free. These places love to give away free crap. I got crayons and combo tape measure/mint dispensers, rulers with magnifying glasses and coffee mugs. My favorite is a key chain that says “More Suck for Your Buck.” I have no clue what they do.
On Tuesday night I went to the TGIFriday’s across the street from my hotel. The waitress sat me, awkwardly, facing another guy seated at a table by himself. I hadn’t brought a book and so, I sat there, trying not to face the other guy but we kept accidentally looking and then turning away quickly. We ended up making eye contact quite a few times so, I thought he was flirting with me. I got all ballsy and said, “Would you like to join me?” Who am I? So he came over and we chatted for a while. His name was Chad and he was just travelin' thru. He works for Cingular or something and goes around the country fixing their showrooms. Then he started telling me about the states with the best chicks. Apparently the girls of Alabama are “pretty bangin’” I’m glad I know now – I didn’t have a reason to visit Alabama before. Also, whereas Detroit may be dirty, Chad had had some fun there recently with a hotel clerk and her friend. I don’t know why we were talking about this stuff but I found it pretty funny. I finished my dinner and wished him a good night. Tonight I was determined to go to a gay bar so I headed to the downtown area to meet a guy from gay.com named Thomas. We met at Union Station, a pretty sad gay bar in the middle of nothing (that’s Cleveland). I don’t know what these people do. There were bars lining the streets but no people inside or out. The place was pretty big but there were only about 20 people there. Boggles the mind. Anyway, it was strip night and we were lucky enough to see two VERY lack-luster strippers strut what used to be their stuff while a pretty sad drag queen commented. It was all very unfortunate but it was nice to go out and do something. In the cab on the way back to my hotel, the cabbie decided that it was a good idea to tell me all about Cleveland’s problems – namely: immigrants, the loss of the steel industry, and “African-Americans living in squalor.” This was the most surprising thing for me. Stepping out of Madison’s protective bubble is always a bit of a gamble but I wasn’t expecting such vehement viewpoints to be expressed by a stranger. I sat quietly until we got home.
Wish I had more to tell but alas, Cleveland is boring. I got excited about there being a theatre-district. I headed there and found about a dozen theatres but none of them had anything playing while I was in town. Creepy-City.
I did take this picture, which I think is kinda nice but it is not representative of the city.
I was in Cleveland for a steel do. The American Iron and Steel Institute was having their big annual soiree, the AISTech. It was really just a huge trade show where all these different companies set up booths and show-off what they do. I didn’t really realize the scope of the steel industry. There were companies there that make steel, mine ore, make oil pipes, provide laser beams that test the quality of steel, lubricate steel machines, label molten steel, improve the efficiency of a plant. There was a lot going on and most of it was over my head but I did my best to work. I’m not a wheeler-and-dealer but thankfully I didn’t really need to do that. Mostly I just went to each booth and checked out what they did. I made a few notes and checked out what they were offering for free. These places love to give away free crap. I got crayons and combo tape measure/mint dispensers, rulers with magnifying glasses and coffee mugs. My favorite is a key chain that says “More Suck for Your Buck.” I have no clue what they do.
On Tuesday night I went to the TGIFriday’s across the street from my hotel. The waitress sat me, awkwardly, facing another guy seated at a table by himself. I hadn’t brought a book and so, I sat there, trying not to face the other guy but we kept accidentally looking and then turning away quickly. We ended up making eye contact quite a few times so, I thought he was flirting with me. I got all ballsy and said, “Would you like to join me?” Who am I? So he came over and we chatted for a while. His name was Chad and he was just travelin' thru. He works for Cingular or something and goes around the country fixing their showrooms. Then he started telling me about the states with the best chicks. Apparently the girls of Alabama are “pretty bangin’” I’m glad I know now – I didn’t have a reason to visit Alabama before. Also, whereas Detroit may be dirty, Chad had had some fun there recently with a hotel clerk and her friend. I don’t know why we were talking about this stuff but I found it pretty funny. I finished my dinner and wished him a good night. Tonight I was determined to go to a gay bar so I headed to the downtown area to meet a guy from gay.com named Thomas. We met at Union Station, a pretty sad gay bar in the middle of nothing (that’s Cleveland). I don’t know what these people do. There were bars lining the streets but no people inside or out. The place was pretty big but there were only about 20 people there. Boggles the mind. Anyway, it was strip night and we were lucky enough to see two VERY lack-luster strippers strut what used to be their stuff while a pretty sad drag queen commented. It was all very unfortunate but it was nice to go out and do something. In the cab on the way back to my hotel, the cabbie decided that it was a good idea to tell me all about Cleveland’s problems – namely: immigrants, the loss of the steel industry, and “African-Americans living in squalor.” This was the most surprising thing for me. Stepping out of Madison’s protective bubble is always a bit of a gamble but I wasn’t expecting such vehement viewpoints to be expressed by a stranger. I sat quietly until we got home.
Wish I had more to tell but alas, Cleveland is boring. I got excited about there being a theatre-district. I headed there and found about a dozen theatres but none of them had anything playing while I was in town. Creepy-City.
I did take this picture, which I think is kinda nice but it is not representative of the city.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
ADVENTURE: Chicago (please excuse my tardiness...)
The day was dark and damp as Anna and I, intrepid ADVENTURERS that we are, set out for "the big city". The trip to Chicago was essentially to join in the festivities of one Ms. Laura McClain as she celebrated her 24th birthday. It was to be a coming together of Madison people and Chicago people. Anna and I were eager to see what these windy-city-folk were all about. We're a new-age Lewis and Clark really, Anna and I. We go places to see what's there and what the people are like. Then we write about it.
Anyway, there is not much to be said for the drive down except that exceptional time was made and we listened to an unlistened-to mix CD given me by Mr. Brian Proball (what?). What, you ask, could possibly be on a CD made by BP for me? Excellent question. It was a query Anna and I were ready to explore. After the first 2 tracks, the general genre of the mix was abundantly clear. What we had was a bunch of that early 00's crappy dance music. Ya know the stuff with the canned beat and some breathy woman singing a cover of some song that was not supposed to be fast? That was infesting this disc. I guess this is the kind of music that stupid straights assume classy gays listen to. Not so. I can't recall them all but some highlights were, Boys of Summer, Dust in the Wind, and Unchained Melody. UM was by far our favorite because it was the absolute least expected song to hear remixed on a Brian Proball album. UM-dance remix was an instrumental selection in the "trance" tradition until the middle of the track when a breathy woman came in to say, "Un Chained Mel O Dee." We laughed.
Chicago was just as rainy as Wisconsin when we arrived and it stayed that way until we left. We met up with Laura and a couple of her high school friends as they finished dinner. We sat around her beautiful high-rise apartment for a little while catching up before piling into Matt's car for the drive to the bar. We meant to go to some classy wine bar but it was too packed so we spent the night in the adjoining sports-type place. We met all the windy-city-folk and laughed together at some rather unfortunate people. We also decided early on to name our nemeses so as to be ready for the all-too-eventual bar brawl. Anna picked an ugly woman whose hair had forgotten the progression of time. Her bangs, in the early 80's may not have seemed much but in '06, we thought they were the 8th wonder. How they stayed like that can not be known. We called her "waterfall-bangs" or something like that. I picked "Aspen Man" as my nemesis, mostly because I wanted to touch him and I figured that the easiest way was in the brawl. He had a white sweater on and white pants (I think). He had very chiseled features and looked flush from a day on the slopes. Bastard. There was also a very friendly guy who kept trying to touch our ladies. I had, at one point, to defend the honor of Laura's friend against gropey-man's advances. He understood us to be engaged so, he stopped touching her and then pinched my ass. He needed a beating! "We'll get him later in the brawl," we thought, but sadly the brawl was not to be. Instead we just continued talking and catching up with old friends (Nate and Nicole) and new (windy-city-folk) until the night was done.
I woke up the next morning and indeed woke Anna and Laura up as well by sneezing 231 times in quick succession. Such a feat has ne'er been done without the subsequent explosion of one's head. We proceeded on to brunch at a fantastic little place near Laura's place. I ate a lot, including some blueberry cheesecake flapjacks. Who knew such things even existed?
Post-brunch the day's real event started-a trip to the Field Museum. I had never been and the girls wanted to return so we walked over to gape at the treasures of yore. We looked at dinosaurs of course. We took a trip through the earth's history, complete with an in-depth look at the mass extinctions. I pumped a machine so we could hear the call of the brontosaurus. We looked at gems and jewels and at a recreated Egyptian tomb. 
There was a pond in there with some very suspicious tadpoles. We saw many stuffed animals (taxidermy like) and we sang a couple songs including an attempt at a barbershop version of The Bear Necessities while we looked at a bear exhibit. We learned about the benefits of sexual reproduction as opposed to asexual reproduction. We also made this movie which most of you probably already saw on Anna's blog: 
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