ADVENTURE: Cleveland

Cleveland is disgusting. It is Creepy-City. There are many tall buildings in Cleveland and what resembles a downtown area but there are no people and there are no cars. I never saw traffic in Cleveland. It’s like something bad happened and the people, like jungle creatures after a bulldozer (nice Fern Gully metaphor) are just now peeking back into the affected area. Creepy. Other than that, it’s dirty and depressed. The people don’t look happy and they don’t treat you with much more than a woeful distrust. I didn’t like Cleveland much. One night I was downtown and the only person I saw was a dirty man in the middle of the dirty street (there was no traffic so it was ok) with his dirty cock hanging out taking a piss – it seemed appropriate.

I was in Cleveland for a steel do. The American Iron and Steel Institute was having their big annual soiree, the AISTech. It was really just a huge trade show where all these different companies set up booths and show-off what they do. I didn’t really realize the scope of the steel industry. There were companies there that make steel, mine ore, make oil pipes, provide laser beams that test the quality of steel, lubricate steel machines, label molten steel, improve the efficiency of a plant. There was a lot going on and most of it was over my head but I did my best to work. I’m not a wheeler-and-dealer but thankfully I didn’t really need to do that. Mostly I just went to each booth and checked out what they did. I made a few notes and checked out what they were offering for free. These places love to give away free crap. I got crayons and combo tape measure/mint dispensers, rulers with magnifying glasses and coffee mugs. My favorite is a key chain that says “More Suck for Your Buck.” I have no clue what they do.

On Tuesday night I went to the TGIFriday’s across the street from my hotel. The waitress sat me, awkwardly, facing another guy seated at a table by himself. I hadn’t brought a book and so, I sat there, trying not to face the other guy but we kept accidentally looking and then turning away quickly. We ended up making eye contact quite a few times so, I thought he was flirting with me. I got all ballsy and said, “Would you like to join me?” Who am I? So he came over and we chatted for a while. His name was Chad and he was just travelin' thru. He works for Cingular or something and goes around the country fixing their showrooms. Then he started telling me about the states with the best chicks. Apparently the girls of Alabama are “pretty bangin’” I’m glad I know now – I didn’t have a reason to visit Alabama before. Also, whereas Detroit may be dirty, Chad had had some fun there recently with a hotel clerk and her friend. I don’t know why we were talking about this stuff but I found it pretty funny. I finished my dinner and wished him a good night. Tonight I was determined to go to a gay bar so I headed to the downtown area to meet a guy from gay.com named Thomas. We met at Union Station, a pretty sad gay bar in the middle of nothing (that’s Cleveland). I don’t know what these people do. There were bars lining the streets but no people inside or out. The place was pretty big but there were only about 20 people there. Boggles the mind. Anyway, it was strip night and we were lucky enough to see two VERY lack-luster strippers strut what used to be their stuff while a pretty sad drag queen commented. It was all very unfortunate but it was nice to go out and do something. In the cab on the way back to my hotel, the cabbie decided that it was a good idea to tell me all about Cleveland’s problems – namely: immigrants, the loss of the steel industry, and “African-Americans living in squalor.” This was the most surprising thing for me. Stepping out of Madison’s protective bubble is always a bit of a gamble but I wasn’t expecting such vehement viewpoints to be expressed by a stranger. I sat quietly until we got home.

Wish I had more to tell but alas, Cleveland is boring. I got excited about there being a theatre-district. I headed there and found about a dozen theatres but none of them had anything playing while I was in town. Creepy-City.

I did take this picture, which I think is kinda nice but it is not representative of the city.