Muntjac!

Today at work, Cody asked if any of us had heard of the Muntjac. We hadn't. It turns out that a muntjac is an animal and, probably, we should have heard of it. Now I'll tell you about the muntjac, as if giving a report in elementary school.

The muntjac is a mammal. It is related to deer but it is smaller. It belongs to the family Muntiacinae within the order Cervidae. The muntjac comes from Asia and is the oldest kind of deer. Although is originally came from Asia, now it is found all over England. Muntjac are sometimes called "Barking Deer" because of the sound they make.

Muntjac are very small. They look like they have big back legs which makes them look funny. They look a little like they'll fall forward onto their face. When they run, they keep their head close to the ground and they put their butts in the air. When they are full-grown, they usually are only about 43-46 cm tall at their shoulders. That's about the size of a medium dog! Muntjac are mostly brown-red in summer and dark brown in winter. They have white bellies.

Boy and girl muntjac have special holes on their faces. They make stuff in these holes to leave their smell on stuff. It is kinda creamy and whiteish. Boys grow antlers. They usually only have 2 and these horns end in a hook. They are pretty short and are mostly just one spike, not like our deers. Both boys and girls have "canine" teeth which are sometimes called "tusks". These teeth can move to make eating easier!

They eat plants. Sometimes muntjacs can break little trees so they can eat the stuff on the top. I think they also climb trees sometimes. It's okay to be short when you can still eat the high up stuff.

I think muntjac are cool and I'm glad I wrote a report about them. Here's a picture of a muntjac.


This question also came up: If 'muntjac' were a verb, what would it mean? Here I use it in a sentence:

• I was just sittin there when Bobby muntjac'd me.
• I'm gonna go out tonight and jac some munt.
• One, two, muntjac to my loo.

The challenge to you, dear reader, is to come up with the best definition for 'muntjac' the verb and post it in the comments.

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It's Time!

Why are you reading this?!?! Get out there and VOTE! If you're in WI, vote NO on the amendment.

Just because

I read this in Mr. Right's column in The Isthmus. Hopefully it's ok that I'm reprinting it here. If not, please let me know. Otherwise, please enjoy these words:

Just because
Be sure to vote on Tuesday
Mr. Right on Thursday 11/02/2006,

Because they’re here. Because they’re queer. Because they’ve always been here. Because they’ve always been queer. Because they’ll always be here. Because they’ll always be queer. Because we’re all queer, one way or another. Because the way they’re queer isn’t all that different from the way we’re queer, when you think about it. Because they love each other, and what’s so queer about that? Because they’ve always been there for each other. Because they’ve always been there for us. Because we haven’t always been there for them, and we should have been. Because they’re our sons, our daughters, our sisters, our brothers, our uncles, our aunts, our nephews, our nieces, our fathers, our mothers, our teachers, our preachers, our doctors, our nurses, our soldiers in Iraq. Because, if asked, they’re not supposed to tell, and what kind of nonsense is that? Because if they’re willing to lay down their lives for their country, why shouldn’t their country lay down something for them? Because it says, right there in the U.S. Constitution, “We the people, in order to form a more perfect Union,” and aren’t they people, and don’t they deserve a more perfect Union? Because it says, right there in the Declaration of Independence, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these rights are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” Because, I repeat, all men are created equal. Because all women are created equal too, but it took us over 100 years to figure that out. Because we’re sometimes a little slow on the uptake. Because we’re fallible, we’re human, which is why, over 200 years later, we’re still trying to form a more perfect Union, not a perfect Union. Because that would be tempting the gods. Because there are no perfect unions, as most married people would be the first to admit. Because, otherwise, why would there be so many divorces, so many broken homes, so many broken children? Because marriage, as we all know, can be quite hard. Because it’s an institution, and who wants to be in an institution? Because it’s not just an institution, it’s a sacred institution — too sacred, perhaps, to be left to heterosexuals. Because it has been left to heterosexuals, for the most part, and let’s face it, they’ve largely screwed it up. Because marriage, ultimately, isn’t about a piece of paper, a certificate, a blood test, a joint filing statement. Because when the marriage dissolves, the piece of paper gets torn up and thrown in the trash can. But just because heterosexuals have screwed it up doesn’t mean homosexuals shouldn’t be allowed to screw it up as well. Just because heterosexuals don’t always cherish that piece of paper doesn’t mean homosexuals won’t clasp it to their bosoms, worship at the altar of marriage while their heterosexual brothers and sisters are out playing golf. Because homosexuals know what it’s like to be denied their rights under the U.S. Constitution. Because they’ve been wrestling with these issues since the day they were born. Because it’s not something you choose, like a change of clothes. Because if it were, few would have chosen it. Because the rest of us have made it so hard for them, which isn’t right. Because they’re just like us. Because we’re just like them. Because there is no us and them. Because we’re here. Because we’re queer. Because it’s high time we all got used to it.

Send all marriage proposals to: MR. RIGHT, ISTHMUS, 101 KING ST., MADISON, WI 53703. OR CALL 251-1206, EXT. 152. OR E-MAIL MRRIGHT@ISTHMUS.COM.

"NO!"

It's time to talk about the ban. Next Tuesday Wisconsin is poised to make history and become the first state in the nation to vote down a ban on same-sex marriage and civil unions. Here's what the proposed amendment says:

Marriage. Shall section 13 of article XIII of the constitution be created to provide that only a marriage between one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage in this state and that a legal status identical or substantially similar to that of marriage for unmarried individuals shall not be valid or recognized in this state?

Right now, the law in Wisconsin defines marriage as a union between one man and one woman. The amendment would prevent a court in the future from deciding that the law as it currently stands is discriminatory and, in effect, an illegal law. By voting "NO" on the referendum, we will be helping to keep discrimination from being codified in our state's guiding document. It is patently unacceptable to tamper with the constitution of our state to satisfy the whims of bigots and homophobes. The supporters of this proposal have painted the issue as a way of "protecting" marriage. However, even if gay people were allowed to marry, there is nothing in that to undermine the marriage bond of a straight couple. If marriage is so perilous that allowing more loving couples to enter into it would undermine it's foundation, perhaps we should rethink that foundation.

We like to think that marriage is about love and on one level it sure is but, marriage is also a contract that confers a shit-load of rights and responsibilities on those people signing on. There are over 1,000 of these rights, benefits and responsibilities bestowed on the federal level and a bunch more on the state level. You can find a partial list here.

In addition to the audacity of writing discrimination into the constitution, the amendment also fails to make practical economic sense. Most legitimate business organizations have come out on the 'no' side for solid business reasons such as revenue loss and difficulty in recruitment. The UW system is also solidly opposed to the amendment for practical reasons. At the moment, the UW is the only Big 10 school that does not provide full domestic partner benefits. This is a very real concern when it comes to recruiting the best minds available. The competitive edge needed to get the best scientists, writers, lecturers, artists, etc. is missing at the moment and the effect has been noticed.

Most readers of this blog are well aware of all these issues. In case you weren't, I hope I've shed some light. Please visit the Fair Wisconsin website and talk, talk, talk. There's less than a week to go until voting day. Get talking with your friends and coworkers. You know gay people whether you're aware of it or not. Think about what it'd mean for this state to say these people are not worthy of the same rights as everyone else.

On a personal note I want to express how inspiring it is to see my friends rally behind this issue. I have many straight friends who are much more involved in this issue than I am and I think it's really amazing and it shames me a bit. I've always known you were a smart group (you do have me as a friend after all) but the aggressiveness shown around this issue is really something to celebrate and so, I do.

***Update from Debbie***

If you've read the Fair Wisconsin blog or website recently, you'll know that the amendment's supporters have recently had big donations that are going toward radio and tv ads. This means that they're discovering how close the vote is going to be next Tuesday. Right now Fair Wisconsin needs a LOT of GOTV volunteers to make sure the NO voters remember to go to the polls. In MANY areas of Wisconsin volunteers are needed to phone- and door-canvass . . . and it's really easy -- you only talk to people who have already said that they're voting no. So if you have any time between now and Tuesday night please, please, PLEASE use it to help stop this ban. If you really can't volunteer, please consider donating to help keep the FW ads on the air. It's going to be close on Tuesday, and we really believe WI can be the first state in the nation to stop a ban like this. On Wisconsin!

go to www.fairwisconsin.com for more info, to donate, or to find out how to volunteer in your area of the state.

The Golden Couple...

"Eat shit and die!" - OR - Ted Nugent is an asshole...

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

Last night I had the great fortune of working the light board at the Ted Nugent lecture. (please note the sarcasm...) First a little history: Ted Nugent is a rock star from Michigan who made a big name for himself in the 70's & 80's. Now he's an extremely right-wing activist and hunting enthusiast.

Ok, first the good stuff... Mr. Nugent (from here referred to as ASS) is very into wild-life and hunting. He sees himself as a conservationist and celebrates the hunting ritual as a means of getting closer to nature. He's also dramatically opposed to drug use and dependency in all it's forms.

I am not, to everyone's surprise, an avid hunter. However, I see absolutely nothing wrong with hunting and I recognize that it is a necessary thing. For example, without hunting we'd have an extremely large deer herd and nature would have to devise it's own way to check their numbers. I come from a family of hunters and while I never really had an interest in joining in, I'm not in the least against it so long as it's done fairly and responsibly. I also think there's something to be said for communing with nature and celebrating the fruits of her bounty. What I do have a problem with is the pro-hunting contingent latching on to the pro-gun thing and feeling the need to seek the right to carry any gun they wish. Why on Earth does a person need an automatic anything? Certainly not for hunting. Where's the sport in automatic? Also, why does a sportsman feel the need to seek the right to carry a hidden handgun? In my opinion, if all handguns were illegal, a lot of problems could be dealt with. Handguns are simply not needed. Many republicans argue that a concealed-carry law protects everyone because, "who knows who has a gun..." I think it's a bunch of bull-shit and I don't see why a sportsman should seek protection for all guns. A responsible sportsPERSON (sorry ladies) should be in support of responsible gun laws.

ANYWAY, ASS was an ass. He started his talk by talking about drugs which was fine. They ruin lives, they ruin communities, etc. However, that segued into the evenings theme of VAST GENERALIZATION. According to ASS, the difference between liberals and conservatives is that conservatives are early-risers and look forward to a hard day's work whereas liberals would rather sleep in and avoid work. Liberals also apparently have an east coast accent and like to search for excuses rather than to face a problem. Homeless people are drug-users and drunks - never give them money just point them (or kick them) toward the nearest help wanted sign. People opposed to war are not patriots. People in support of responsible gun control are pussies.

Other tidbits:
ASS regaled the audience with a story of shooting a cat he found on his front porch. He was a bit sad that he hadn't given the carcass to a Korean restaurant, "If you've been to a Korean restaurant you've eaten cat. And the French eat horse."

After thinking someone was video-taping him, ASS demanded that security (there were about 694 security guards), "get him!" So, he stared at a particular section of the audience and noticed the solitary black person in the audience. "Oh, I'm happy to see I'm not the only black guy here tonight. Welcome, son." (ASS is white) Then, he told the guy that if he made a video of him, "I'll gut ya!"

Nobody had made a video and when this was pointed out, ASS went crazy on an analogy comparing his image to apples and, as the owner of his orchard, he had to protect his apples... The guy asking for an apology was told to "Fuck off"

Another guy went a little nuts pointing out ASS's Vietnam draft dodging. He was told to, "Eat shit and die!"

There was more talk of shit and cats and guns and liberals and patriotism and general bull-shit but I thankfully can't remember it all.

This whole event made me think about the liberal speakers I've seen. Very rarely have I seen a liberal speaker use vast generalizations and stereotypes the way ASS did. Also, I've never seen a liberal speaker reduce his or her particular argument to the breath-taking mind-vomit that ASS did. It seems that to please an audience of republicans one must celebrate strong-headedness and bemoan intelligence. What's happened?

To sum up, Ted Nugent likes to hunt and I support that but he is an incredible asshole. The end.

Take 2!

Here's a trailer for "Sixty-Six" which I worked on a bit while living in London. Hopefully this one'll be better than the first one I did...

Uh, Don't Fuck with Her!

I'm So Excited!

Check out this trailer for "The Last Kiss" which I was lucky enough to work on last summer as unit 2 art department for the location stuff in Madison. It was a lot of fun and should be a great movie.




You can also see pictures from "Sixty Six" which I did some studio, prop/art department stuff on in London by going to this website.

Happy Birthday America (and notesfromaslightlylargercontinent)

It was one year ago today that I wrote my first entry in this blog. You can review it HERE. A year ago, I had just gotten to London. Reading what I wrote then, I can feel again the excitement I was feeling and the optimism that I had. Now, 365 days later, I'm back in Madison; sitting, waiting...not really pessimistic but also not with the optimism and bright-eyed outlook of a year ago.

All day I've been trying to think of what to say on this our most important of holidays. Where are we now? It was 230 years ago that the Declaration was signed and what has become of the grand experiment it set in motion? We find ourselves daily with news of our government's failings (flailings). This administration, in the name of security, has been slowly pulling away at our rights. We've learned that the NSA could be listening to our calls or reading our emails, the treasury might be reviewing our bank records. Our country may pretend to be independent but, faced daily with reminders of big brother and with the proof of our leaders' incompetence, can we, as individuals claim to be independent any more? Our nation was founded, famously, on the ideals of "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." Let's take stock and see how we're holding up.

I know I sound very pessimistic and accusatory but I don't mean to be. I really am patriotic and I do love this country but I love it for the ideals on which it was founded. I'm saddened by the course it has taken. Take a look around you today. I did and I noticed a distinct lack of bunting. A distinct lack of waving flags. In the capital of this state, a distinct lack of parade. Have we been shamed, by the extreme failures of late into such cynicism about patriotism that even on the 4th, we can't show any indication that we're proud of where we live? I was thinking of the festivities of River City, Ioway and how they compare with today. For that matter, how would Mayberry's 4th compare with ours? We do have a lot to celebrate and a lot to be proud of . As I think back, a year after arriving in London, I recall my feelings while there. I remember missing America and the things (sure, mostly material) that I took (take) for granted here...

This is meandering and I have to go...Hopefully, sometime soon, I will regain some lucidity and will be able to write my thoughts in an understandable manner.

In summary tho: it's the 4th, we're 230 years old, this blog is 1!, our country has been on a bad path for a while but it's still something to be proud of. Look back at what our founders had planned and feel the excitement that they must have felt when they put pen to paper to sign Jefferson's declaration.

Happy 4th - have a beer for me!

A Haiku...

Swimming in the nude
Frolicking in the moonlight
Rocks my world hardcore.

Observe the Beauty!

In my continuing ode/love letter to Leslie Hall, please witness her genius in this video:

WOW

EVERYONE MUST WATCH THIS! and then puke all over the Westboro Baptist Church! Fox News usually makes my stomach turn but this is kinda impressive. I've never seen an interviewer rip in like this.

Ring-A-Ding-Ding

"A large woman dancing in a gold jumpsuit accompanied by turntables and a 'keytar' - any two of these three ingredients should be enough.....The line between irony and sincerity, straddled by gold thighs, has never looked so good."
-The Basement -John Spragens

For those of you who may not know of Leslie and the Ly's - get with the program. How can you deny the appeal of this grrl? "Thank you mama for making me gold pants - that I can dance in!" YES! She is a middle-america white-girl rap/funk goddess and you should bow down before her sweaters.

I just bought the CD today and there are NO regrets. Check it foos!

1-Look at the gallery of sweaters at www.GemSweater.com
2-Look at the myspace page at www.myspace.com/lesliehall
3-Buy the CD and love it at www.leslieandthelys.com or on iTunes!

I'm not even paid to endorse this stuff!

September 29 Madison, WI High Noon Saloon - Be There!


.

Some youtubes that I found funny

It's just funny....

This made me laugh out loud - repeatedly

What's scarier? Bea's voice, the song, the dude?

I love when people are laughing too much to talk...especially when it's about Bea Arthur...

ADVENTURE: Cleveland

Cleveland is disgusting. It is Creepy-City. There are many tall buildings in Cleveland and what resembles a downtown area but there are no people and there are no cars. I never saw traffic in Cleveland. It’s like something bad happened and the people, like jungle creatures after a bulldozer (nice Fern Gully metaphor) are just now peeking back into the affected area. Creepy. Other than that, it’s dirty and depressed. The people don’t look happy and they don’t treat you with much more than a woeful distrust. I didn’t like Cleveland much. One night I was downtown and the only person I saw was a dirty man in the middle of the dirty street (there was no traffic so it was ok) with his dirty cock hanging out taking a piss – it seemed appropriate.

I was in Cleveland for a steel do. The American Iron and Steel Institute was having their big annual soiree, the AISTech. It was really just a huge trade show where all these different companies set up booths and show-off what they do. I didn’t really realize the scope of the steel industry. There were companies there that make steel, mine ore, make oil pipes, provide laser beams that test the quality of steel, lubricate steel machines, label molten steel, improve the efficiency of a plant. There was a lot going on and most of it was over my head but I did my best to work. I’m not a wheeler-and-dealer but thankfully I didn’t really need to do that. Mostly I just went to each booth and checked out what they did. I made a few notes and checked out what they were offering for free. These places love to give away free crap. I got crayons and combo tape measure/mint dispensers, rulers with magnifying glasses and coffee mugs. My favorite is a key chain that says “More Suck for Your Buck.” I have no clue what they do.

On Tuesday night I went to the TGIFriday’s across the street from my hotel. The waitress sat me, awkwardly, facing another guy seated at a table by himself. I hadn’t brought a book and so, I sat there, trying not to face the other guy but we kept accidentally looking and then turning away quickly. We ended up making eye contact quite a few times so, I thought he was flirting with me. I got all ballsy and said, “Would you like to join me?” Who am I? So he came over and we chatted for a while. His name was Chad and he was just travelin' thru. He works for Cingular or something and goes around the country fixing their showrooms. Then he started telling me about the states with the best chicks. Apparently the girls of Alabama are “pretty bangin’” I’m glad I know now – I didn’t have a reason to visit Alabama before. Also, whereas Detroit may be dirty, Chad had had some fun there recently with a hotel clerk and her friend. I don’t know why we were talking about this stuff but I found it pretty funny. I finished my dinner and wished him a good night. Tonight I was determined to go to a gay bar so I headed to the downtown area to meet a guy from gay.com named Thomas. We met at Union Station, a pretty sad gay bar in the middle of nothing (that’s Cleveland). I don’t know what these people do. There were bars lining the streets but no people inside or out. The place was pretty big but there were only about 20 people there. Boggles the mind. Anyway, it was strip night and we were lucky enough to see two VERY lack-luster strippers strut what used to be their stuff while a pretty sad drag queen commented. It was all very unfortunate but it was nice to go out and do something. In the cab on the way back to my hotel, the cabbie decided that it was a good idea to tell me all about Cleveland’s problems – namely: immigrants, the loss of the steel industry, and “African-Americans living in squalor.” This was the most surprising thing for me. Stepping out of Madison’s protective bubble is always a bit of a gamble but I wasn’t expecting such vehement viewpoints to be expressed by a stranger. I sat quietly until we got home.

Wish I had more to tell but alas, Cleveland is boring. I got excited about there being a theatre-district. I headed there and found about a dozen theatres but none of them had anything playing while I was in town. Creepy-City.

I did take this picture, which I think is kinda nice but it is not representative of the city.

ADVENTURE: Chicago (please excuse my tardiness...)

The day was dark and damp as Anna and I, intrepid ADVENTURERS that we are, set out for "the big city". The trip to Chicago was essentially to join in the festivities of one Ms. Laura McClain as she celebrated her 24th birthday. It was to be a coming together of Madison people and Chicago people. Anna and I were eager to see what these windy-city-folk were all about. We're a new-age Lewis and Clark really, Anna and I. We go places to see what's there and what the people are like. Then we write about it.

Anyway, there is not much to be said for the drive down except that exceptional time was made and we listened to an unlistened-to mix CD given me by Mr. Brian Proball (what?). What, you ask, could possibly be on a CD made by BP for me? Excellent question. It was a query Anna and I were ready to explore. After the first 2 tracks, the general genre of the mix was abundantly clear. What we had was a bunch of that early 00's crappy dance music. Ya know the stuff with the canned beat and some breathy woman singing a cover of some song that was not supposed to be fast? That was infesting this disc. I guess this is the kind of music that stupid straights assume classy gays listen to. Not so. I can't recall them all but some highlights were, Boys of Summer, Dust in the Wind, and Unchained Melody. UM was by far our favorite because it was the absolute least expected song to hear remixed on a Brian Proball album. UM-dance remix was an instrumental selection in the "trance" tradition until the middle of the track when a breathy woman came in to say, "Un Chained Mel O Dee." We laughed.

Chicago was just as rainy as Wisconsin when we arrived and it stayed that way until we left. We met up with Laura and a couple of her high school friends as they finished dinner. We sat around her beautiful high-rise apartment for a little while catching up before piling into Matt's car for the drive to the bar. We meant to go to some classy wine bar but it was too packed so we spent the night in the adjoining sports-type place. We met all the windy-city-folk and laughed together at some rather unfortunate people. We also decided early on to name our nemeses so as to be ready for the all-too-eventual bar brawl. Anna picked an ugly woman whose hair had forgotten the progression of time. Her bangs, in the early 80's may not have seemed much but in '06, we thought they were the 8th wonder. How they stayed like that can not be known. We called her "waterfall-bangs" or something like that. I picked "Aspen Man" as my nemesis, mostly because I wanted to touch him and I figured that the easiest way was in the brawl. He had a white sweater on and white pants (I think). He had very chiseled features and looked flush from a day on the slopes. Bastard. There was also a very friendly guy who kept trying to touch our ladies. I had, at one point, to defend the honor of Laura's friend against gropey-man's advances. He understood us to be engaged so, he stopped touching her and then pinched my ass. He needed a beating! "We'll get him later in the brawl," we thought, but sadly the brawl was not to be. Instead we just continued talking and catching up with old friends (Nate and Nicole) and new (windy-city-folk) until the night was done.

I woke up the next morning and indeed woke Anna and Laura up as well by sneezing 231 times in quick succession. Such a feat has ne'er been done without the subsequent explosion of one's head. We proceeded on to brunch at a fantastic little place near Laura's place. I ate a lot, including some blueberry cheesecake flapjacks. Who knew such things even existed?

Post-brunch the day's real event started-a trip to the Field Museum. I had never been and the girls wanted to return so we walked over to gape at the treasures of yore. We looked at dinosaurs of course. We took a trip through the earth's history, complete with an in-depth look at the mass extinctions. I pumped a machine so we could hear the call of the brontosaurus. We looked at gems and jewels and at a recreated Egyptian tomb. There was a pond in there with some very suspicious tadpoles. We saw many stuffed animals (taxidermy like) and we sang a couple songs including an attempt at a barbershop version of The Bear Necessities while we looked at a bear exhibit. We learned about the benefits of sexual reproduction as opposed to asexual reproduction. We also made this movie which most of you probably already saw on Anna's blog:

On the way home Anna and I had dinner at a Country Kitchen in Rockford just for fun. Anna took this pic of the menu and we laughed:

ADVENTURE 2:

I don't know how I forgot to put this in the last ADVENTURE post but I love it:

ADVENTURE!

Following in the footsteps of Day-of-Spontaneity 2005; that glorious day which saw Jeremy, Anna and me to a renaissance faire in Cambridge, WI and then, somewhat accidentally to Wisconsin Dells where these pictures were taken:

Anna and I decided that we needed to celebrate the beginning of the season with a day of ADVENTURE. We didn’t know what the day would hold, only that it would exist and that it would begin at 8 with breakfast at Sophia’s on E Johnson. After a leisurely breakfast, we got in the car and Anna asked the question, “Which way do you want to go?” You see, the only thing we knew was that we were leaving Madison and heading in a direction. So we picked a road and went for it. This particular road led kind-of West-Northwest (I think) after a few forks, we ended up in Mount Horeb, a place of legend and lore. Our first stop was at what we thought was an antique store but what turned out to be an antique extravaganza. It seems Mt Horeb likes old stuff. Or, maybe they don’t and that’s why it’s all in the stores? At any rate, we had a lot of fun with the crazy stuff for sale. These were some of our favorites:

On the left is a picture of me with a painting of some kid. This kid was quite possibly the scariest kid that ever lived. He may have been dead before this painting was made. On the right is a picture of a “New Era Scientifically Processed Potato Chips” canister we found which advertised the heightened amount of alkalinity in these chips and the fact that they were 95% digestible.

After an hour or so in Antique Mall #1, we climbed back in the car and headed for downtown. On the way, we noticed the huge amount of troll statuary. Anna and I are very open-minded people and we have nothing against trolls per se, we just thought it odd that there were soooo many troll carvings. On the way downtown the promise of a garage sale waylaid us. It turned out to be a bust so we hit the trollway. It turns out that Mt Horeb is the “troll capitol of the world.” Whether the statues are the cause of this moniker or the result of it is something we didn’t learn. I’m kinda glad that there’s still some mystery. So, we parked and set out on foot. The trollway has many shops and all of them look like this:

and were full of Norwegian stuff. The staff in these stores were the epitome of midwestern friendliness and were sometimes just a little too helpful. I needed to find an ATM and was given the following explanation:

so the ATM is in the AmCore bank on Main St in the 300 block. we're in the 100 block, so it's about 2 blocks down. so you're going to walk down Main St that way. The AmCore will be on your left; you'll see the sign, it's right across from the Mustard Museum. When you get to the AmCore, the ATM is in this little alcove to your left.

I listened to this explanation for longer than it would have taken for her to walk me to the ATM, nodding the whole time.

Anna and I headed to get cash. Upon turning, we made the amazing discovery of the infamous, world-renowned Mount Horeb Mustard Museum. For those of you not in the know, the mustard museum is a cool thing. We were greeted with a huge welcome and the concept of the mustard museum and its layout were explained. We started with a video presentation of “Mustard: Spice of Nations” but due to it’s excessive portrayal of rodeo and other non-mustard things, we moved on. The main floor contains a wealth of mustard history from around the world. Literally thousands of jars are on display and a lot of the accompanying advertising and paraphernalia. We browsed but it was pretty clear that we were just biding our time till we could hit the tasting room. The tasting room is like a car dealership but with mustard instead of cars. Tastefully arranged by world region or special feature (ie: Turkish, alcoholic, fruit, prize winners, etc) We found a few things we wanted to taste and headed back to the tasting table. Mustard tasting is a lot like wine tasting. Each mustard’s unique aspects were explained and we tasted, trying to pinpoint the subtleties of the mixed flavors and, sometimes the lineup of complex, multi-part tastes. We often had to “cleanse our pallets” and we were treated to more appropriate examples of what we wanted. For example, I had grabbed a brown sugar mustard but our moutardier knew that this wasn’t the one I wanted. She knew that the flavor I was looking for was more likely to be found in the Praline Pecan mustard (which was delicious by the way and will be bought in the fall for serving on Butternut squash) We also tried some special chocolate sauces and a dessert hot sauce which was crazy and awesome. In summation, go to the Mustard Museum!

After the mustard, we needed lunch and so, went to the Blue Skies Soda Shoppe. It was an old-style soda fountain place. It read. We had phosphates. Beautiful photographic proof of phosphates, taken by A.M.:

I also ordered a club sandwich and whipped out my new mustards, which totally read.

After lunch we needed more antiques. We found a sketchy sketchy place. We tried on hats. Mine was an old-school explorer hat. We also spent about 45 minutes looking at old postcards. Old missives are funny! Anna’s big find was a postcard that read, “Feb. 13, 1914 I am going to commit a robbery to-night. I suppose Gunners told you. ‘Riste’” We laughed. Anna also found a card with a picture of a camel that said, “My name Hubert Hump.” We laughed and through her laughter Anna explained, “There’s no verb!” I found the card below. I’ve pointed out the ruffnesses.

This is the back:

We laughed. Then we took a picture of us as a troll and his farm animal. After Antique Store #2, we found Antique Store #3 which was kinda lame except for its ridiculous cellar called, “Betty’s Basement”. Betty apparently didn’t ever throw any crap away; she just put it in this basement. Treasures abounded.

We left Mt Horeb and headed in some random direction, exploring the countryside. We were looking for some sort of abandoned building. It was harder to find than we expected. We eventually settled for a semi-abandoned building made of metal. This wasn’t really the aesthetic we were looking for but it was ok. We just kinda hung out and had fun in nature before heading off on a new mission to discover the Mazomanie nude beach. We didn’t want to be nude or even to really see nudity. We just wanted to know where the beach was. We never found it. We did however find a battle site and some Native American Burial Mounds in the wilderness.

I got a tick.

We had fun on our ADVENTURE.

"Make it look like a house."

Yesterday, in the parking lot of West Towne mall, Anna and I saw a van bearing the logo and web address for Habco Inc. and Burial Homes. I think you'll agree that this is more than a little creepy. According to the website, it's all very simple:

After being frustrated with the lack of alternatives to the traditional casket, I wanted to design a product that would help me as well as others who were also uncomfortable with the look of caskets. The solution was, "Make it look like a house."

Ummmmm.....there's something really strange about a coffin that looks like a doll's house! The site says, "The real beauty in going home is in being at rest." I don't like associating "home" with being dead. Within the "gallery of homes" there are some killer quotes. Ie: "Shutters Add Flair", "Homes are available in full and half-couch designs", "Reflect on the warmth and comfort of home and experience the peace found in our Burial Homes". Does that mean you can try your home before you buy it? CREEPY. They'll even design a casket special based on a photograph. Who would feel comfortable coming home at the end of the day knowing that one day they'd be cooped up in there forever?

Here are some creepy photos: