Umm...nice to meet you...

I'm sitting backstage at the theater. There's a concert on the terrace. I have to be here to supervise since the artists are using our dressing rooms. So, I'm sitting here, doing nothing and some people walk in behind a volunteer. I pay little attention until I hear Ralph, the organizer, say something like, "Let me go find Jason and he can open up a dressing room for you." I had JUST stuffed cracker and cheese into my face. I got up and headed toward the voice, thinking I could swallow before I got there. Not so much. I got to the group of people with chipmunk cheeks and Ralph says, "This is Jason, he's our technician tonight....looks like he's got a mouth full of warm nuts."
...

Pleasure to meet you.

this is just too....

I don't even have words...it's like...wow

Yes We Can!!

overheardinmadison

Coastie Girl: I think we should get A LOT of bracelets. I mean, we invited, like - the WORLD!

-State Street

WUT

In a fit of inspiration and ambition, some co-workers and I spent some time making these videos. I'm kinda proud of them...

overheardinmadison (at Battle of the Bands)

Random Dude: Oh man, I'm like so excited to see you guys play. I love bands with bagpipes and violins.

Old Guy: [speaking about a punk, i-want-to-be-Blink-182 band] Oooh, this band's real good.
Me: Compared to what?!

Sound Engineer: [on PA mike] Is that how you want it to sound?
Guitarist: Yeah!
Sound Engineer: [obviously confused] Umm....ok.

-Battle of the Bands!

overheardinmadison

Random dude: That woman looks like Feist, run through a meat grinder.

-state street

overheardinmadison

Twink, upon sidling up to another boy: Wow, I've never seen you in the daylight before.

-gay softball

overheardinmadison

Overheard in New York might be the funniest thing I've seen in a long while. Just check it out. Since Anna directed me there, I've been trying to pay more attention to the snippets I hear but there is no Overheard in Madison - so, I shall post them here.

Exasperated woman to screaming toddler: What do you want for lunch besides a smack in the face?

-State Street

Many Me!

I was bored so, I made this:

Ultra-Condensed Historical Event 1 - The American Revolution

My good friend Anna keeps a website called, Ultra-Condensed Movie Reviews in which she (and guests) ultra-condense movies. I tried my hand at condensing a documentary I had just seen - LIBERTY! The American Revolution. It didn't really work tho as it was more of an Ultra-Condensed Historical Event. We still liked it - it just didn't fit in on that site so I'm putting it here. Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[It is 18^th Century NORTH AMERICA]
England: I know, let’s take advantage of our colonists in America. Let’s tax them without their approval. Yay!
America, for the most part: Fuck you!
England: Don’t make me take my earrings out!
America, for the most part: Fuck you!
John Adams: We should declare independence!
Continental Congress: Sit down, John!
John Adams: But!
Congress: Ok, fine. TJ, you write it.
Thomas Jefferson: But, I don’t…ok…umm…When in the Course of human Events it becomes necessary for one People to…*
England: Oh heeellll nah!
Congress: Hey, Washington…although you kinda sucked during the French and Indian War, please take this rag-tag group of men that basically come from 13 different countries and form one army. Oh, and we don’t have the power to give you any money. Also, you’re fighting for an idea. Make sure these uneducated, untrained soldiers know that.
Washington: Yay, but…fuck!
[ENGLAND INVADES]
People of Concord: We see you.
British Soldiers: We see you too.
A gun: BANG
The World: Did you hear that?
[ENGLAND wins a lot of BATTLES. Benjamin Franklin goes to FRANCE]
Benjamin Franklin: I have a wit and I wish to meet with you, Louis XVI.
Louis XVI: I cannot – not until these upstarts prove their metal.
France: You’re the bee’s knees Benjamin Franklin – we love America - hurrah!
Thomas Paine: These are the times that try men’s souls.*
America, for the most part: Whoa, we believe in this. This man has spoken truth, let us rally round Washington and help him to defeat England, our mother country.
[Washington and his TROOPS cross the DELAWARE RIVER to mount a surprise ATTACK on a group of HESSIAN SOLDIERS – who DIE]
America, for the most part: Hurrah!
Louis XVI: Ok, Franklin.
Abigail Adams: Don’t forget about the ladies, John. And, oh yeah, pins.
A Soldier: I am a soldier. Sleeping on the wet forest floor sucks.
England: Let’s go after the south. We’ll get ‘em.
America, for the most part: Nope, suckers, the south cares too, this time. How bout you go to Yorktown.
England: K.
America, for the most part & France: [in UNISON]: SURPRISE!
England: Shit.
America, for the most part: Hurrah!
George Washington: Congress, tho you are still an illegitimate body, I hereby forfeit my sword to you in an act of extreme humility that shall shock the world. I am also forthwith cementing my legendary status as a man of truly heroic stature.
America, for the most part: Wait, now the war is over…we've been through a lot and, although I hate to be that girl, can I get a little relationship clarity here, I mean, what are we?
Articles of Confederation: Ummm….we’re kinda together but not really, guys.
Constitutional Convention: Oy, we need to do something, and how…
[They DELIBERATE and it is HOT.]
Constitutional Convention: By Jove – We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union…*
America, for the most part: Wo, wo, wo…hold your horses…that’s a lot of federal power…what about the rights of individuals?
Some people and James Madison: Umm…ok – here’s the bill of rights. :)
America, for the most part: Awesome, thanks, and here’s some ratification. Laters.

* = Actual line

Kill the Yanks!

Things I love about this:

1. Never encourage the confederacy.
2. "Every boy wants a Ramco toy! andsodogirls."
3. Theme music: We'll All be Gay when Johnny Comes Marching Home"
4. It's a toy CANNON! It shoots things.
5. NEVER have a confederate flag.
6. The ramrod.

Leslie Hall

There are many things that I have failed to let you all know about. I shall endeavor to catch you up over the next few weeks. Update #1 involves LESLIE HALL! You may remember the various odes to her that I posted a few months ago. She's some sort of performance art genius. I LUV her always. Anyway, she was in Madison for a show in October and I was there with bells (sadly sans sweater) on.

It all started with a vintage fashion show featuring items from a local resale shop. I don't know why but I wasn't expecting much. It turned out to be pretty cool. The fashions themselves rocked. It was a nice fusion of old clothes, newish styling. I dug it. All this was followed by a local band called, Screaming Cyn Cyn and the Pons (I think). It was kinda screamy but really funny and quite enjoyable. It was clearly not Rachel's cup-o-tea but Anna, Andy, and I were all over it. Check em out if you can. Support the local music scene.

OK, all the foreplay out of the way, it was time for the Gold-Panted-Goddess herself. She did not fail to amaze! For all of you unfamiliar, get on it! There are many reasons to like her/respect her:

1. She has talent! She writes/sings/dances with amazing wit and irony.
2. She's hilarious. Simple.
3. She's made a real career for herself utilizing the internet. Myspace particularly. I think that's pretty impressive. She has harnessed a new media and has used it to connect to a semi-hidden audience.
4. She wears GOLD pants.
5. She is the curator of the world's only traveling, gem-sweater museum.

So, she swooped in and danced it up to some killer jams (gems). After a while she invited a number of people (including Aaliyah and Anna) to join her on stage for the "naming ceremony" in which she bestowed names on the delightfully trashy gem sweaters which speckled the audience. Then she danced upside down in a harness suspended from a log being held by two men and kicked Rachel in the face. Said one of the bartenders, "Now I can say I've seen it all." She really didn't disappoint and I can't wait to see her again. Check out her website to see if she'll be near you soon. If she is, there can be NO reason to not see her. GO, GO, GO.

Everyone together: "That's a ruff post!" Here's a similarly ruff pic:


.

Muntjac!

Today at work, Cody asked if any of us had heard of the Muntjac. We hadn't. It turns out that a muntjac is an animal and, probably, we should have heard of it. Now I'll tell you about the muntjac, as if giving a report in elementary school.

The muntjac is a mammal. It is related to deer but it is smaller. It belongs to the family Muntiacinae within the order Cervidae. The muntjac comes from Asia and is the oldest kind of deer. Although is originally came from Asia, now it is found all over England. Muntjac are sometimes called "Barking Deer" because of the sound they make.

Muntjac are very small. They look like they have big back legs which makes them look funny. They look a little like they'll fall forward onto their face. When they run, they keep their head close to the ground and they put their butts in the air. When they are full-grown, they usually are only about 43-46 cm tall at their shoulders. That's about the size of a medium dog! Muntjac are mostly brown-red in summer and dark brown in winter. They have white bellies.

Boy and girl muntjac have special holes on their faces. They make stuff in these holes to leave their smell on stuff. It is kinda creamy and whiteish. Boys grow antlers. They usually only have 2 and these horns end in a hook. They are pretty short and are mostly just one spike, not like our deers. Both boys and girls have "canine" teeth which are sometimes called "tusks". These teeth can move to make eating easier!

They eat plants. Sometimes muntjacs can break little trees so they can eat the stuff on the top. I think they also climb trees sometimes. It's okay to be short when you can still eat the high up stuff.

I think muntjac are cool and I'm glad I wrote a report about them. Here's a picture of a muntjac.


This question also came up: If 'muntjac' were a verb, what would it mean? Here I use it in a sentence:

• I was just sittin there when Bobby muntjac'd me.
• I'm gonna go out tonight and jac some munt.
• One, two, muntjac to my loo.

The challenge to you, dear reader, is to come up with the best definition for 'muntjac' the verb and post it in the comments.

.

It's Time!

Why are you reading this?!?! Get out there and VOTE! If you're in WI, vote NO on the amendment.

Just because

I read this in Mr. Right's column in The Isthmus. Hopefully it's ok that I'm reprinting it here. If not, please let me know. Otherwise, please enjoy these words:

Just because
Be sure to vote on Tuesday
Mr. Right on Thursday 11/02/2006,

Because they’re here. Because they’re queer. Because they’ve always been here. Because they’ve always been queer. Because they’ll always be here. Because they’ll always be queer. Because we’re all queer, one way or another. Because the way they’re queer isn’t all that different from the way we’re queer, when you think about it. Because they love each other, and what’s so queer about that? Because they’ve always been there for each other. Because they’ve always been there for us. Because we haven’t always been there for them, and we should have been. Because they’re our sons, our daughters, our sisters, our brothers, our uncles, our aunts, our nephews, our nieces, our fathers, our mothers, our teachers, our preachers, our doctors, our nurses, our soldiers in Iraq. Because, if asked, they’re not supposed to tell, and what kind of nonsense is that? Because if they’re willing to lay down their lives for their country, why shouldn’t their country lay down something for them? Because it says, right there in the U.S. Constitution, “We the people, in order to form a more perfect Union,” and aren’t they people, and don’t they deserve a more perfect Union? Because it says, right there in the Declaration of Independence, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these rights are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” Because, I repeat, all men are created equal. Because all women are created equal too, but it took us over 100 years to figure that out. Because we’re sometimes a little slow on the uptake. Because we’re fallible, we’re human, which is why, over 200 years later, we’re still trying to form a more perfect Union, not a perfect Union. Because that would be tempting the gods. Because there are no perfect unions, as most married people would be the first to admit. Because, otherwise, why would there be so many divorces, so many broken homes, so many broken children? Because marriage, as we all know, can be quite hard. Because it’s an institution, and who wants to be in an institution? Because it’s not just an institution, it’s a sacred institution — too sacred, perhaps, to be left to heterosexuals. Because it has been left to heterosexuals, for the most part, and let’s face it, they’ve largely screwed it up. Because marriage, ultimately, isn’t about a piece of paper, a certificate, a blood test, a joint filing statement. Because when the marriage dissolves, the piece of paper gets torn up and thrown in the trash can. But just because heterosexuals have screwed it up doesn’t mean homosexuals shouldn’t be allowed to screw it up as well. Just because heterosexuals don’t always cherish that piece of paper doesn’t mean homosexuals won’t clasp it to their bosoms, worship at the altar of marriage while their heterosexual brothers and sisters are out playing golf. Because homosexuals know what it’s like to be denied their rights under the U.S. Constitution. Because they’ve been wrestling with these issues since the day they were born. Because it’s not something you choose, like a change of clothes. Because if it were, few would have chosen it. Because the rest of us have made it so hard for them, which isn’t right. Because they’re just like us. Because we’re just like them. Because there is no us and them. Because we’re here. Because we’re queer. Because it’s high time we all got used to it.

Send all marriage proposals to: MR. RIGHT, ISTHMUS, 101 KING ST., MADISON, WI 53703. OR CALL 251-1206, EXT. 152. OR E-MAIL MRRIGHT@ISTHMUS.COM.

"NO!"

It's time to talk about the ban. Next Tuesday Wisconsin is poised to make history and become the first state in the nation to vote down a ban on same-sex marriage and civil unions. Here's what the proposed amendment says:

Marriage. Shall section 13 of article XIII of the constitution be created to provide that only a marriage between one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage in this state and that a legal status identical or substantially similar to that of marriage for unmarried individuals shall not be valid or recognized in this state?

Right now, the law in Wisconsin defines marriage as a union between one man and one woman. The amendment would prevent a court in the future from deciding that the law as it currently stands is discriminatory and, in effect, an illegal law. By voting "NO" on the referendum, we will be helping to keep discrimination from being codified in our state's guiding document. It is patently unacceptable to tamper with the constitution of our state to satisfy the whims of bigots and homophobes. The supporters of this proposal have painted the issue as a way of "protecting" marriage. However, even if gay people were allowed to marry, there is nothing in that to undermine the marriage bond of a straight couple. If marriage is so perilous that allowing more loving couples to enter into it would undermine it's foundation, perhaps we should rethink that foundation.

We like to think that marriage is about love and on one level it sure is but, marriage is also a contract that confers a shit-load of rights and responsibilities on those people signing on. There are over 1,000 of these rights, benefits and responsibilities bestowed on the federal level and a bunch more on the state level. You can find a partial list here.

In addition to the audacity of writing discrimination into the constitution, the amendment also fails to make practical economic sense. Most legitimate business organizations have come out on the 'no' side for solid business reasons such as revenue loss and difficulty in recruitment. The UW system is also solidly opposed to the amendment for practical reasons. At the moment, the UW is the only Big 10 school that does not provide full domestic partner benefits. This is a very real concern when it comes to recruiting the best minds available. The competitive edge needed to get the best scientists, writers, lecturers, artists, etc. is missing at the moment and the effect has been noticed.

Most readers of this blog are well aware of all these issues. In case you weren't, I hope I've shed some light. Please visit the Fair Wisconsin website and talk, talk, talk. There's less than a week to go until voting day. Get talking with your friends and coworkers. You know gay people whether you're aware of it or not. Think about what it'd mean for this state to say these people are not worthy of the same rights as everyone else.

On a personal note I want to express how inspiring it is to see my friends rally behind this issue. I have many straight friends who are much more involved in this issue than I am and I think it's really amazing and it shames me a bit. I've always known you were a smart group (you do have me as a friend after all) but the aggressiveness shown around this issue is really something to celebrate and so, I do.

***Update from Debbie***

If you've read the Fair Wisconsin blog or website recently, you'll know that the amendment's supporters have recently had big donations that are going toward radio and tv ads. This means that they're discovering how close the vote is going to be next Tuesday. Right now Fair Wisconsin needs a LOT of GOTV volunteers to make sure the NO voters remember to go to the polls. In MANY areas of Wisconsin volunteers are needed to phone- and door-canvass . . . and it's really easy -- you only talk to people who have already said that they're voting no. So if you have any time between now and Tuesday night please, please, PLEASE use it to help stop this ban. If you really can't volunteer, please consider donating to help keep the FW ads on the air. It's going to be close on Tuesday, and we really believe WI can be the first state in the nation to stop a ban like this. On Wisconsin!

go to www.fairwisconsin.com for more info, to donate, or to find out how to volunteer in your area of the state.

The Golden Couple...

"Eat shit and die!" - OR - Ted Nugent is an asshole...

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

Last night I had the great fortune of working the light board at the Ted Nugent lecture. (please note the sarcasm...) First a little history: Ted Nugent is a rock star from Michigan who made a big name for himself in the 70's & 80's. Now he's an extremely right-wing activist and hunting enthusiast.

Ok, first the good stuff... Mr. Nugent (from here referred to as ASS) is very into wild-life and hunting. He sees himself as a conservationist and celebrates the hunting ritual as a means of getting closer to nature. He's also dramatically opposed to drug use and dependency in all it's forms.

I am not, to everyone's surprise, an avid hunter. However, I see absolutely nothing wrong with hunting and I recognize that it is a necessary thing. For example, without hunting we'd have an extremely large deer herd and nature would have to devise it's own way to check their numbers. I come from a family of hunters and while I never really had an interest in joining in, I'm not in the least against it so long as it's done fairly and responsibly. I also think there's something to be said for communing with nature and celebrating the fruits of her bounty. What I do have a problem with is the pro-hunting contingent latching on to the pro-gun thing and feeling the need to seek the right to carry any gun they wish. Why on Earth does a person need an automatic anything? Certainly not for hunting. Where's the sport in automatic? Also, why does a sportsman feel the need to seek the right to carry a hidden handgun? In my opinion, if all handguns were illegal, a lot of problems could be dealt with. Handguns are simply not needed. Many republicans argue that a concealed-carry law protects everyone because, "who knows who has a gun..." I think it's a bunch of bull-shit and I don't see why a sportsman should seek protection for all guns. A responsible sportsPERSON (sorry ladies) should be in support of responsible gun laws.

ANYWAY, ASS was an ass. He started his talk by talking about drugs which was fine. They ruin lives, they ruin communities, etc. However, that segued into the evenings theme of VAST GENERALIZATION. According to ASS, the difference between liberals and conservatives is that conservatives are early-risers and look forward to a hard day's work whereas liberals would rather sleep in and avoid work. Liberals also apparently have an east coast accent and like to search for excuses rather than to face a problem. Homeless people are drug-users and drunks - never give them money just point them (or kick them) toward the nearest help wanted sign. People opposed to war are not patriots. People in support of responsible gun control are pussies.

Other tidbits:
ASS regaled the audience with a story of shooting a cat he found on his front porch. He was a bit sad that he hadn't given the carcass to a Korean restaurant, "If you've been to a Korean restaurant you've eaten cat. And the French eat horse."

After thinking someone was video-taping him, ASS demanded that security (there were about 694 security guards), "get him!" So, he stared at a particular section of the audience and noticed the solitary black person in the audience. "Oh, I'm happy to see I'm not the only black guy here tonight. Welcome, son." (ASS is white) Then, he told the guy that if he made a video of him, "I'll gut ya!"

Nobody had made a video and when this was pointed out, ASS went crazy on an analogy comparing his image to apples and, as the owner of his orchard, he had to protect his apples... The guy asking for an apology was told to "Fuck off"

Another guy went a little nuts pointing out ASS's Vietnam draft dodging. He was told to, "Eat shit and die!"

There was more talk of shit and cats and guns and liberals and patriotism and general bull-shit but I thankfully can't remember it all.

This whole event made me think about the liberal speakers I've seen. Very rarely have I seen a liberal speaker use vast generalizations and stereotypes the way ASS did. Also, I've never seen a liberal speaker reduce his or her particular argument to the breath-taking mind-vomit that ASS did. It seems that to please an audience of republicans one must celebrate strong-headedness and bemoan intelligence. What's happened?

To sum up, Ted Nugent likes to hunt and I support that but he is an incredible asshole. The end.