Long ago, in England...

a friend of Someone-in-Charge declared, "Sir, we haven't enough ridiculousness!"

"You're right!" his pal replied, "May it be so, that from this day forth, England shall be ridiculous, in the following ways:

We shall drive on the other side
We shall keep the clubs open till 4 or 5 am but stop the tube at midnight
We shall have banks that say, "You'll get your card in 7-10 business days" but mean 4 weeks
When the card comes, the bank shall say "It'll just be 7-10 business days now to get your PIN"
Furthermore, the banks will only be open while the populous is at their own jobs and we shall make it difficult to bank online
We shall tell foreigners that they must get an NI number and we'll give them 25 phone numbers, all of which will be wrong
We shall sell meat in our stores but only after all the juice has been removed
We shall tell victims of crime to call the Custodial dept to see if their property has been turned in
The custodial dept shall direct the person to the properties dept by way of the operator
The operator shall transfer the caller to the front desk because after all, there is no properties dept
The phone at the front desk shall ring (repeatedly) for 6 minutes before disconnecting the caller
The switchboard operator shall yell at the victim of crime
Cheques, when deposited shall take a week to clear
Every pay phone shall be different
There shall be a line, everywhere and it shall take an inordinate amount of time
We shall have a grocery store and, in the store, we shall use plastic bags but without the handy dispenser. We shall force customers to bag their own groceries while paying. The cashier and people in the line shall glare contemptuously
At Tesco, there shall be 12 cash registers but only 2 shall be open. There shall then be at least 3 employees directing people to the self-service registers which shall never work properly
In addition, there shall be other ridiculousnesses which can not be named right now!